ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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