I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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