That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
where are my eyebrows?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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