I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
