She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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