I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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