Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
