god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tonight lets celebrate not being married
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
