What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
