one might say we're banned from that church
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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