and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
