My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
