You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
