Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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