we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
