angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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