yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
