i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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