I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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