Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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