capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
