Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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