What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm really busy with my period
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