Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
