Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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