Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
