he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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