I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
