i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
