My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
