all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
