I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
