What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
