I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
