before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
