i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
