I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
