she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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