remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
