If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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