the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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