Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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