It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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