At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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