Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
