K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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