it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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