I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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