i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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