drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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