How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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