her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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